Being a single mom has its advantages! If parents are willing to put the children first, there are usually some positive things to come out of being a single mom.
They grow closer to their Single Mom
Being a daddy’s girl is great and all; but my daughter and I have formed a closer bond than ever! We talk more… about everything. I often come home to find her sleeping in my bed. Sometimes I frown. But most times I savor this moment. She has become very close to me since the divorce. We spend far more time together than before and interestingly enough, she’s learning who I am as a woman and not just a mom. You see, often your womanhood is overshadowed by motherhood. Your daughter never sees you as a woman, just a mom. My daughter sees me as a mom for sure, but my womanhood is what excites her. It is truly amazing how my reinvention has inspired her to live her best life! It’s the silver lining I never expected.
My son, well he is extraordinary! In the beginning, he would always ask me , “you got this?” and I would respond, “I got this!”. He no longer asks because he sees that I got this!
They see it’s never too late to change and live a happier life.
Divorce sometimes forces kids to mature sooner and grow up more quickly. My son often comments on living your best life and says, “it never too late to be happy, right mom?” I say, “that’s right, son!” I show my children that it’s never too late to change and live a happier life as a single person. I illustrate to them daily that life’s choices create circumstances that you can change whenever you get ready! Fear is your enemy and faith is your friend. We are the Three Musketeers and we have all grown up since the divorce and the metamorphosis is astounding. I enjoy seeing them grow into young adults. They are different than they would have been because I have now shown them that happiness comes when you call. I have hundreds of #talkboss sound bites I say every day! They now repeat them! It’s so funny but they have picked up the will to hustle and grind and believe that anything is possible.
They learn to understand each parent better as individual people.
Children begin to understand parents better as individual people when growing up with a single mom. By making it clear that the split was a result of two incompatible people growing apart, kids begin to peel back the layer of just mom and dad. They have developed unique and complex relationships with each of us. They see we are not only parents, but we have thoughts, needs, opinions and individual identities.
They are more more independent.
A child’s ability to function independently is amazing. Kids are very resilient. They feel a need to make mom’s life easier so they become more independent to ease the “burden”. Yes, kids do look out for moms! They have learned that life does not end with one divorce. They know that love is not an impossible thing to grasp. They know my divorce does not affect their ability to find true love. They also know that happiness is paramount. They know that my divorce does not have to become their experience.
They know that being single isn’t the end of the world.
I’ve never ever taught my children to think that marriage was one’s ultimate goal in life. They know that being married is not the cure all for happiness. Some kids are taught that they must get married in order to be happy. HOGWASH! The impression that I’d suddenly be happier ‘if only’ I were in a serious relationship has never crossed my mind. Though I’m currently seeing a great person whom I’m grateful for, being single doesn’t scare me. More importantly, my daughter knows she is not defined by the man she chooses to marry. She already claims she is going to make her husband take her last name!
My teens are more empathetic
They now have a greater ability to empathize and help others who are going through pain and trauma of their own. My divorce is their catalyst for success and compassion. If you enjoyed this blog, please read part 1 of this blog here! http://www.keciaclarke.com/dear-single-mom-i-see-you-2/ .
For more, check out my book Divorce Without Drama. Happy Mother’s Day too all; but especially to the #singlemomsclub!
Life is too short to dwell on the what ifs. Live your best life now!